When I was four years old I began my education
To learn about society and all its expectations
Learn to read and write, to add and multiply,
Eat my greens and not to answer back and not to cry

I learned how to spell, and how to long divide
How to run around a field far too many times
How to pay attention and how to follow rules
This is what they taught me when I was in school

I learned these things for my exams,
and so of course I passed,
But there's so many things
That I wish I'd learned in class

Like How to put up shelves without nailing through a cable
How to read instructions to set up a flatpack table
How to deal with bullies when they're frightening and cruel
No-one told me these things when I was in school

Willy, Willy, Harry, Ste, Harry, Dick, John, Harry Three
I learned the kings of England and about the Bayeux Tapestry
I learned that Jean-Paul Marat died in his bath,
I learned that zinc and copper are the metals that make brass.

I learned these things for my exams,
and so of course I passed,
But there's so many things
That I wish I'd learned in class

Like How to put up shelves without nailing through a cable
How to read instructions to set up a flatpack table
How to deal with bullies when they're frightening and cruel
No-one told me these things when I was in school

Before your school days are through
Learn a life skill or two

Like never block the doorway after entering a shop,
No-one wants to hear the gory details of your op,
Just because it's on the 'net it doesn't make it knowledge,
You need to understand that when you get out of college

And while I'm here...

If a politician said it then it's probably not true
Remember that everything is not all about you
Still no-one gets to tell you how you have to live your life
It's up to you if you want children and a wife

No-one's ever argued on the internet and won
Remember that your hobbies are just a bit of fun
Sing as loud as you like, use your two left feet and dance,
Every human being deserves an equal chance

Sing as loud as like, use your two left feet and dance
Every human being deserves an equal chance
Shout it from the rooftops, break all the rules,
No-one told me these things when I was in school
No-one told me these things when I was in school